I said REJOICE!!!

Oh Gods it's that day with the stuff already >.<
Clothing is in the washer, making noises. The boy is in bed... making sleepy noises. My boots are on the floor, waiting to be cleaned. Overall things aren't off to a bad start... ya know... other than the fact that I should really be asleep... Weirdddd...
Alright... Webcomics... I've been reading them. I will read them more.
Finally caught up on Girl Genius, literally between these two lines.
Quick gripes:
I am tired of people whining about relationships and then continuing to pseudo-stalk their exes. If seeing that person causes you enough pain that you need to talk to me about it, stop going out of your way to see them. Is that so hard? Nevermind... >.>... I know it is...
Hopefully I rise to the occasion this weekend, I have a chance to hang out with a small group of some of my favorite people, which includes Travis/Gandhi my boything, in a place that I know very little about. With it being such a small group, there are no people who I find at all annoying... which is fantastic... In fact, while I don't know all of them fantastically well, I like everyone a lot.
Shit is going down >.>.. and I am *not* going to deal with the downers I've been giving so much of my time to the last few days... At least I have a few awesome people too...
Yeah this doesn't make any sense to me either,

Naomi Marie

I wander out where you can't see...

Slipknot and the rain... I have a strange happy place I've noticed...
So plans...
I finally got off my ass and just called Ms.Fantastic who has much better integrity than I do (No sarcasm, She seriously does >.<)... and she came up with a happy medium. It was one of those situations that I felt a little silly about not thinking of earlier... Yay Holly!
So there will be storming a city *and* a birthday party with awesome peoples... Just so long as Ms.Drunky Whiny can't hold her liquor doesn't show up... I still have a bit of a weird feeling about the birthday party, but I honestly enjoy so few parties, it might just be an ingrained response.
I'm a teeny bit sleepy... but I REALLY want to keep reading Girl Genius o.o I'll catch up eventually!!!
*dies a little*
Naomi Marie

Come on baby let me see what you're hiding underneath...

I messed up in my plans o.o
So it all started New Year's Eve when we were spending time at a friend's house for a party. Jenny and Tiffy (the house friends) are excellent hosts of all sorts of parties and things usually end up small and pleasant while staying completely entertaining. Well a birthday party was planned for Jenny for this coming weekend and the first thing I did, right when the page was made after the party, was say I'd be there and then promptly forget that I did.
Flash forward to this Sunday. I was sitting on my bed and playing with my phone when the greatest idea came to me. Travis has this weekend off, which he so rarely does, and I've been wanting to go with him and Holly to Portland for a while just because everything is just slightly more fun when Travis and Holly are around each other. Good chemistry or something. So I text the people that need to be texted and my plan of a day-trip to storm Portland turned into a potential weekend of fun storming of a city with the help of some inhabitants who are also amazingly entertaining and fantastic to be around.
So this morning I'm waiting for a for sure yes or no about being able to be there for the weekend from Holly, and I noticed a post in an event. The event, surprise surprise, ended up being the birthday party this weekend. Now Jenny is just all sorts of entertaining and kind and the sort of friend who would shoot a bitch for you, but o.o I made plans... and and and... Portland... and Travis has so few weekends free o.o and stuffff! I know she'd be bummed if we tell her that we can't make it, especially if I take Holly with me... and I would be... because she's an important factor in this whole trip... and more than anything else, Travis just sort of perks up around her... o.o
Why do *I* end up with the moral dilemmas that involve feelings rather than taboos? o.o *stomps feet* Can I just be a spoiled brat and see her on Thursday and give her hugs and tell her she's awesome for her birthday and then go south? o.o Please?
Welp... gotta see if I can get texts out of Holly, she's sitting on babies and eating pigs last I checked and I still haven't told her about the conflict o.o
Give me strength sexy musics!!!
Naomi Marie

Ohhhh.... You touch my tra~la~la

So I bedazzled my fingernails. It's distracting.
I've been slacking off a little bit with my posts, and if I'm going to update this at least once a week I need to keep it up in these early weeks.
I finished Thief of Time and have nearly finished The Last Continent (both by Terry Pratchett). Life has been a bit of an interesting roller-coaster recently. I've had a bit of trouble with my family, who (whom?) I live with. It was pointed out that I am almost destructively submissive in matters that affect me. Granted, the person who pointed this out has mostly seen my submissive side because he's a touch intimidating, but I had never thought of the way I just sort of let things happen to me because it wasn't one of those few things that I refuse to accept. I don't let people hurt the ones I care about when they don't deserve it. That's really it...
I had been talking about how amazing it was to just sit by myself for hours and read, and how I very rarely get a chance to do that at my house because people seem to think that reading a book, or on the computer (in some cases wearing headphones to listen to music without bothering them), or holding a conversation via text means that I'm fair game to ask questions or hold an un-related conversation with. I mentioned that it annoyed me, but I didn't *need* to read all of the time. When I insist that I want my time then they'd get bent out of shape and start yelling. Yeahhh... I feel stupid, but that didn't occur to me as something unusual or unfair. That was just how things worked. I was in the living-room and that means that my time belongs to the collective.
The point was kind of driven home when I mentioned needing to drink water, he told me that he had some in his bag and motioned back at it. I took the water bottle out and looked at it like it was the most terrifying puzzle I had ever seen. I knew that I didn't need to ask if I could have any, his telling me that he had it was his way of giving me permission, and if I asked him for it, he would look at me like I was asking permission to breathe. I could *literally* only force myself to open the top before I broke down and, while explaining that I knew it was weird, I *needed* to ask him if I could have some or else I wouldn't feel right drinking any. I shit you (whoever you are) not; I was trying so hard to do it anyway that I teared up. When did I start acting like an abuse victim? My parents never hit me for taking something without getting specific permission. Hell, other than Church, they've never been terribly cruel about anything.
That ride home was... an eye-opener, to say the least... and I'm still really embarrassed.
There are other things... but I've been reading Girl Genius (the online comic) recently and it has me a little addicted. As I type it is in a tab right next to the one this blog post is on, and it is all I can do to give this little blurb a proper ending.
Yeahhhh... Fuck it...
Waking up next to someone you love is great isn't it? Waking up and being someone you love is even better...
~Naomi

And you call yourself a pirate...

Wow... Words...
I know they exist... but I have no proof >.>...
I apparently haven't had enough coffee yet... I will rectify this now... I would say "Brb" but you won't have known that I've left the computer and gone to feed myself heated roasted bean juice, not to be confused with the regular kind of bean juice that doesn't have caffeine, but does go well with cereal for those of us who can't process the stuff that comes out of a cow...
Alright, I'm back! But you knew that didn't you? ^.~
So it's Monday, and somehow Saturday night seems like it should have been a week instead of a single night... Gods...
So my feet are bruised, my mind is boggled, memories are clouded, and somehow through it all I'm still processing the fact that I managed to get stopped mid make-out with my Captain (who also happens to be an attractive female) at a pirate event, by a pirate... Mind=Blown
So we have learned a few things: Badger fights are not to be had with rabid dogs, even if they happen to be very attractive women. Denial or no, Holly's kidney is in danger. Last but not least, men are best when objectified and giving out back-rubs in next to nothing.
I hope you've learned something here.

I'm floating through your galaxy...

I have an unusual attraction to the music from the Lion King movies... If I get a chance to be alone in the house today I'll be blasting "One of Us" from the second movie's soundtrack as loud as my tiny little laptop speakers will allow and pretending to sing along at the top of my lungs. It sounds like therapy...
Having the ability/tendency to look deeper into my intentions/dreams has led to a lot of interesting situations in my life. Like I had a dream about a dear ex-boyfriend of mine where I was visiting him at some point and he knew I was there, but didn't pay much attention to me and I kept trying over and over to get his attention. Now if that isn't an obvious hint to my sub-conscious then I don't know what is. It baffles the mind that some people could be confused by a message like that. I have a deep-rooted fear of being taken for granted and overlooked by my loved ones. Well that was easy...
I bit the bullet and finished "The Black Prism" last night. It was, of course, a fantastic book with an entertaining world that I'm excited to read more about. I think my fear of finishing series has everything to do with knowing how much I'll miss that world. Even when the characters live to the end of the book, it's like they've died anyway. A short time of mourning is a given when I've finished a good series. Thankfully, I'm learning, it isn't as bad when I've just finished one of the books and the next hasn't come out yet. Now onward in a mostly different direction, Terry Pratchett's Thief of Time. Just because I can't seem to read the Discworld books in sequence...

Hehe... Merkins...

So I have a dilemma... that I have recently (minutes ago) figured out that I don't actually want anyone to give me advice on. Now I want to ask people for advice, but I don't want them to tell me what I don't want to hear. I can sort of appreciate the people who come to me asking for advice and then don't like that I give it to them now. Granted, I figured out that I didn't actually want it fairly quickly after thinking to ask for it, but that doesn't mean everyone will.
So I have this ex...
We're still on fairly good terms, but he tends to fall off of the face of the planet more easily than I do. At least when I fall off of the planet I generally still reply to the things that people send me, especially people I care about. Yeahhh... not so much.
So, as you may imagine, I don't see him very often. Like with every other love I've had, I still love him just as deeply as before. I can't help myself. But when he made mention of maybe hanging out at some point, I, for the first time in nearly 6 years, didn't just hop up to run to him. Instead I got a little annoyed that he took so long to talk to me and then started to weigh whether it was worth the travel or not.
That's pretty big for me.
Now I still really really want to see him, but I'm not sure if I can just drop what I'm doing just to hang out with him. I'm not getting sex out of this deal, and I'm not likely to get much affection or deep conversation. Why would he invite *me* this time? It's not like him to show any interest in me other than when whoever he's been sleeping with either isn't around or has left for good.
Would this visit be healing for me and worth the fuel it takes to get to where we'd be meeting or would it just be a disappointment as things surrounding him have been recently? Maybe I do actually want advice o.o


Weirddddd.....

Naomi Marie

I can feel your heart beating under my skin...

Mmm... creepy...

So I've recently been reading a book called The Black Prism by Brent Weeks. I had previously read trilogy by him that had been suggested by a delightful lady at Half Price Books and was floored by how much I enjoyed it. To be honest I went through a bit of a low after I finished reading all three (in just over a week) because I got rather attached to the characters and world they lived in. A little part of me was sad when I found out that this new book was set in a totally different world that had nothing to do with the last series, but, like a good little addict, I started reading anyway.
Like with any other (good) book I've been reading, I start to think in terms of the world that the characters live in. So far with this one, I had been so busy doing other things (blogging being one of those things) that I hadn't been able to get too immersed in the world. That's no longer the case. Travis' work schedule ended up working out so that he could only manage to get two hours of sleep after getting home from work and then leaving back to work the next morning. I slept my normal amount of time and vaguely remember him coming home, cuddling him, and then him saying goodbye and going to work before I went back to sleep. I woke up to him digging for his PT clothes. Come to find out he had to do a test today, on two hours of sleep, that he hadn't prepared for. He ended up admitting to me that he had almost fallen asleep on the way to the house to get his clothing. So I get up, get dressed, and take him to work. This gave me around four hours straight to read my book uninterrupted by anything. It may not seem like much, but in my world, that is like a magical unicorn who galloped up with a tray of cheeseburgers and a perfectly made latte' on its back.
The sexual innuendo unicorns have been associated with aside, I'm pretty well wrapped up in my new book, but I find myself getting closer and closer to the end and it worries me. What will become of me when this book is over? Of course my life will go on, but to what end? Can I really survive losing another wonderfully real world?
So I'm being overly dramatic. I can accept that.
Now the real reason I decided to blog tonight: dramatic re-enactments.
I had finished watching Big Bang Theory with my family. My mom asked adorable questions that will inevitably prepare me for childcare and their limited understanding of the world at large and commentary that hasn't been completely spelled out for them, as usual. A good time was had by all. Now the tactical error was made when she was left with the remote afterward.
We had recently, as a family, endeavored to teach her how to use the "On Demand" feature of our digital cable, and to our (and her) delight, she figured it out! Cue the incessant viewing of reality TV, The Biggest Loser, and horribly cliche' romance movies.
All of these things have been accepted as yet another one of her quirky tendencies. Like how she insists on laughing at jokes she doesn't actually understand if we're all laughing first, or asks us information about the movie that none of us have seen before and hasn't been given by the director yet. Her most recent source of child-like delight is apparently the show "I Shouldn't be Alive". This particular program is made up of half commentary about the situation by the actual survivors and half dramatic re-enactments.
In the most recent episode (that I'm currently blocking out with the judicious use of headphones and suggestive music) there was a horrible situation that people shouldn't have lived through (How new and exciting!). As I went to get more sweet sweet caffeine, I had to take my headphones off. I did this just in time to hear one of the survivors talk about how scary the situation was in a tone that was vaguely familiar to me. It was the tone that "That one annoying bitch" uses. You know, that one annoying bitch that panics in an emergency situation and pisses off all of the other survivors, but since the situation is so bad they can't actually kill her until they find themselves in need of an emergency food supply. I had to wonder at this point. Did she know that she was just being an irritant? Does a bad situation make those grating personality types more bearable? Would anyone have held it against her if they ended her life and just claimed that she had fallen out of the aircraft when it was crashing? Would my death be somehow easier to bear if I knew I got to gut her first?
These are important questions... and I wish I had someone to answer them.

My heart with music plays...

I touched on this before in my first post on this blog. I touch on this somewhat consistently every day I live. It is a simple concept, I promise. I'm not sure if I'm going to soften any blows or pull any punches in this post. What I do know is that I'm going to start with a mostly unfiltered comment I sent to one of my male friends just earlier today.

"Why do practically un-datable women go on and on about how unhappy they are about being single but then go and bitch about the men who do show interest in them, ripping their traits into tiny little angry shreds or just pretend that those guys are below them. IF YOU WANT A DATE SO FUCKING BADLY STOP BEING AN EVIL PICKY BITCH!!! >.>... Negativity and desperation will bring similar back to itself, You deserve that smarmy dirty bastard that's trying to get in your pants, because your vagina is the best part you have attached, and that's only because it can't talk! "

Now I'm not suggesting that people lower their standards just to get attention from the opposite sex, and I'm only specifically mentioning women because, in my opinion, it is much more difficult to be a man in the dating world with the current social climates. Some women still expect for men to open doors and pull out seats for them, while holding a job, paying for everything, and treating them like equals. The trouble with this particular standard is that it contradicts itself. If you are trying to be thought of as an equal, then don't demand they do things you aren't doing/willing to do for them as well. Okay so that was off subject.
Back to my rant: 

IF YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING SINGLE ALL OF THE TIME, *DO NOT* COMPLAIN ABOUT THE MEN WHO ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION TO YOU!

I am sick and tired of ungrateful, negative women who won't decide if they're desperate for companionship, or just looking for sympathy about any status they happen to be. So you had a bad date, I've had a few myself. One even ended in me having such a bad headache that I wasn't sure I could drive home afterward, but he was so busy pouting that I wouldn't have sex with him that *his roommate* was the one who helped me find water to take the Tylenol that she provided and talked to me until the migraine (that I have maybe once a year) quieted down enough so I could drive home. He just pouted the whole time. I didn't make a passive aggressive status message to slam him, I wrote a private message to explain, in no uncertain terms, why I wasn't willing to go on another date with him. I complained to a few friends after the message was posted and that was that.
I may not be the best person to talk about being single. I haven't been single for more than a few weeks in *years*, but that doesn't change the fact that some men will muster up the courage to approach me and at least ask what my status is, or be friendly in case they might have a chance. Sometimes this behavior can come across as slimy. Other times it can be downright uncomfortable, but *I don't complain about the attention* on public forums that I had been complaining about a total lack of attention the day before.

Face it girls. It isn't that there aren't nice men out there; It's that you are too blind to find and appreciate them for who they are.

Do you ever wonder?

So this post, like the last one, won't likely be helpful to anyone but me. On top of that, it's only helpful to me because I enjoy typing and getting thoughts out into writing... So essentially, this post is about as useful as any other blog you're likely to read.
Recently, I've been sort of up and down when it comes to my general emotional status. Having so much attention from so many people I care for has gotten me a little spoiled. I didn't get a New Years kiss in person, but I got it via text. Is it bad to say that I'm totally fine with just that considering who it came from? I don't care... it was affection enough.
The holidays, which usually only bring me stress and people I'd rather not spend time with, brought time with people I care about, more cookies than I know what to do with, and a bit of relaxation time... Now there were points where I made the mistake of agreeing to spend time with family, but even while I was there, I had the ability to contact people who gave me a sort of lifeline back to the world of the "Non-Fundamentalist Christians" I live in typically...
It's strange enough being a closet pagan (literally, my altar is in my walk in closet) but when I'm surrounded by people who have no idea about my beliefs and are able to talk about theirs, it leaves me in sort of a difficult position. It doesn't help that my boy, Travis, was there as well, and the rest of my family doesn't know about my other lifestyle choices. Not talking about the other important people in my life is difficult and feels like lying.
Long story short, Christmas was awkward, but New Years Eve/New Years Day was the exact opposite.
Well there were awkward moments... like ending up in nothing but my bra and underwear and attempting to keep those two pieces on while everyone else in the room wants them gone. Even then, that was only awkward because the spare underwear I had in my bag that I put on so I wouldn't end up in just a bra were really unattractive...
I'm not really sure what more to say. I've got a fantastic group of friends who really care about me, more love than I know what to do with, and sort of an overall warm feeling about life. I'm not sure how this next year is going to go, but I think, if I can manage to fight my slow spiral into being horribly spoiled, it will be pretty fantastic...
So much love <3